Our inaugural blog posting! And I have no idea what to write
about! I’ve been putting off writing this (insert expletive here) for 3 days. The more I try to push to get it done the less I want to do it! I came to the realization that the harder you push to do something doesn’t ensure that it gets done.  What I found works best is to apply the necessary energy to get the ball rolling then let it go…a ball knows how to roll. Sometimes it needs some direction to keep it on course but if you push too hard it can go way off course.

(If you haven’t noticed that this subtle nudge is about your kids then nudge, nudge.)

The same can be said for the relationship you have with your children, push too hard and they could go off in a wrong direction – and they’re not as easy to retrieve as a ball. Knowing when and how much guidance to give your child sounds like one of those things that should be in “a user’s manual” for your child. How are you supposed to know when and how much when you can’t even figure out what they want for dinner? The same way you find out what they want for dinner – you talk to them. Have a personal conversation with them as often as possible. Be open and honest about everything with them. When you hold things back you are closing the lines of communication. If you share your personal life (past experiences etc.) it changes the dynamics of the relationship enormously – it’s no longer one sided.

Of course the older your kids are the more difficult it is to start doing this. But if you start it off when they are younger you will always have that relationship. If they are older and you’re happy if you get a good morning grunt out of them, all is not lost. The approach to get it started is just different.  You start sharing things in your life and ask their opinion on it. Sure they might think you are on crack at first but remember you are changing behaviour that they have known for years. Keep trying until they come around. The more open you are the easier it will be for them to share.

The last piece of advice about this whole ‘nudging the ball’ thing is to be objective when they tell you things. Some of those things they are currently keeping from you would make your jaw drop! Remember they are telling you these things because they trust you and feel comfortable (plus this is what you wanted – isn’t it?). If you freak out and punish them harder than Judge Judy on a bad day, they’ll never tell you anything ever again. R E M E M B E R this is what you asked for. Try not to get upset because that won’t help anyone; try to be as objective as possible – like you were speaking to a niece or nephew and advise your own child from that same perspective. If their ‘confession’ is a real doosie and you feel yourself slipping into a bad place then excuse yourself from the room for a minute, count to ten and remind yourself that they could not have told you.

…Oh yeah and always sincerely thank them for sharing what they did with you. It’s a simple thing but that little bit of acknowledgment will keep them coming back to you when they have a problem.

If you’d like to share what happened feel free to use our chat section or mail me directly at: blogguy@leadteachandinspire.com

Until next month!

Stuart